Tonight I have been a little sensitive to say the least and while reading an email that talks about the life of a enlisted service member and all they do for us, I started to cry. I couldn't help it because it made me instantly think about my husband working long days over there in the cold and how hard it really is on all of them. So as I sat here reading my email and attempting to control my emotions, my 19 month old comes over and starts to babble at me very seriously and touches my knee. All I could say was, "Mommy is okay she is just have an emotional moment." As if that is what she wanted to hear she ran off to play. Well, my emotions were already running so I knew I was just going to have to let them work themselves out but my 19 month old really thought something was seriously wrong and again came over and was very seriously talking to me turns around away from me and then looks at me again and says I love you. Let me tell you that this just made me cry more and then she grabbed my hand and pulled me down to her level and gave me a kiss then patted the top of my head. She is such a sweet heart.
Well, I just had to share that episode of Miss Makenzi being loving. But I wanted to talk about how she seems to be dealing with Daddy being deployed. Though on a normal day she plays it away and very interested in learning when it comes time for nap time or bed time or just going out she has really started to act out. You see normal outings for us were on the weekends with Daddy who could give her tons of attention while I took care of Gabe, so now I have to be both mom and dad for the time and its a tough job. I know that once we get into the swing of things and she gets use to going out with me and Gabe that she will settle back down. People often forget that deployment is hardest on the kids as they may not understand why daddy or mommy all of a sudden are not home to put them to bed every night and that their favorite playmate is gone. The hardest is when she looks around the house asking where's dada. I have come to see that she understands that dada is at work so she will stop looking but its almost an everyday reminder that he's not here.
I have tried to explain what work dada is doing but I know she doesn't understand to an extent, though, any time that I am upset she is the first to climb into my arms until I calm down and tell her everything is fine. She worries just like I do about him. She has also been wanting to say night night to him every night so I make him a new video of her being goofy, blowing a kiss and saying night night. I think its how she is coping with not seeing him. She also gives his picture kisses throughout the day.
Kids have it hardest when one parent has to be away and it is further stressful on them when that parent is in a potentially dangerous place. So part of the way I am helping her handle this stress is by getting her into a fully, though relaxed, schedule. We get up dressed and have breakfast, then play and have lunch then nap time for both kids so I can have a little quiet time myself, then snack time more play and learning time, then dinner, then I get Gabe bath, bottle, and bed then Kenzi and I have cuddle time and then bath and bed for her as well. So far I have noticed that she is much more relaxed and listening better since getting on to this schedule. Gabe is having some issues with getting into the swing of just me taking care of both him and Kenzi but I know with a little time he will relax and just go with the flow, so mornings before Kenzi wakes up him and I have some one on one cuddle time.
I will make a few suggestions to mom's with little ones and dealing with deployment, make and stick to a schedule it will make life less stressful for your little ones. Plan your outings out to the last minute of returning home and do your best to stick to that as well, that way you don't forget anything you need for your kids and you get everything done that you needed to. I have found that by planning everything out I don't have to do a bunch of little runs out of the house, instead I can do one day and take care of everything quickly without the kids getting too grumpy or to far off schedule. Also recognize when your kids are getting overwhelmed while you are out. With dealing with deployment things effect you and them differently than normal and just like you the kids will have their good days and bad days. Its our job as the at home parents to recognize these things and make our children aware of how to deal with the stress and to help them relax.
When out and my kids get overwhelmed if I can put things off to another day I will so that I can get home that much faster. Also have special snacks that if they lose it, that special snack will take their mind off of the situation. Also extra toys are a must have and their special items, be that a blanket an article of clothing or toy.
Anyway, I am learning as I go with this but these are the things I am doing and seeing successful outings and day time routines. I do have to say one thing that schedules for little ones is a great thing whether dealing with deployment or not. It helps them fell more secure in their life and when you keep your word with everything they feel better about their surroundings and you will have a better relationship and less stressful world. Good luck to all dealing with the same things I am and to all who have little ones.
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